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Swamp

Confessions of an Academic Pseudo-Giraffe
25.8.04  
A random thought: there's something deeply disturbing about the process of putting together bureaucratically oriented applications, or paper war, but the result can also be very satisfying. Even if it's in a small scale - if you only need to get hold of a few documents and photocopy them a few times- there is a discernible sense of pure accomplishment when you hold the neat pile of A4's in your hand and know that everything's there. It feels like you have just survived a test in which you have to outsmart a faceless monster who has made the rules.
I just need to say something about Hicham el Guerrouj today. During the last couple of years, while I haven't been actively involved in the competitive running scene myself, watching a championship race on TV has gradually become less of a passionate moment for me. For some of the finals in Athens I haven't even bothered to leave my chair in the other room. But for an Olympic final of the Distance of the Kings, my pulse still jumps to double the normal rate (which, may I point out, is still low enough). Hicham now had perhaps his last chance to take this title, having fallen in Atlanta at Morceli's feet and suffered a sensational defeat to Ngeny in Sydney. When he succeeded by 12/100 of a sec, kissed the track, and collapsed for his private moment of weeping in front of his two-month-old baby girl Hiba and a billion other people, it was truly touching and genuine. Despite being physically closest to the perfect miler that the world has seen, he has always seemed sincere and real to me. You can always see the pressure on his face. The world is full of stone-faced runners, and then there's Haile who smiles whatever the circumstances, but Hicham, on the start line, often looks like what he is: a man deeply tormented by what lies ahead. When I see such a burden on someone's shoulders, I cannot help wanting him to succeed (he is my age, too).

Btw, for those of you for whom this means something: he lead through the third lap in 53 seconds. The third. The death lap. I would have wept too. I won't even say anything about the last.
24.8.04  

Once again, the sun sets on Tampere. The yellow smiling face of this little star of ours is easy to take for granted while it is present. Its true beauty is only revealed when it goes away.
20.8.04  
New appearance. I might get bored with this in a couple of days. Or then I might never change it again.
18.8.04  
A reading of yesterday's tale: the Bears didn't react to the damage Goldilocks had done. They were upset by the fact that she was no longer there.
17.8.04  
Once upon a time there were Three Bears. There was a Great Huge Bear, a Middle-Sized Bear, and a Little Small Wee Bear. The Bears lived in a nice house in the middle of an enormous forest. The forest provided them all they needed. Life was simple and good.

One bright morning, while the Bears were taking a walk in the bush, a Girl named Goldilocks materialised out of thin air, broke into the house, and exercised her multi-tasking skills by eating a bowl of porridge, breaking a chair, and taking a nap simultaneously. She did not bother to wait for the bears to come back home before taking off, since she had done a lot of research on her victims beforehand with her wirelessly connected laptop and her 20x optical zoom digital camera. She knew everything worth knowing about the Bears without having to listen to their complaints on her use of their facilities, and besides she was parked in a tricky spot and late for lunch for which she had a table reservation in the coolest place around.

The Bears saw the empty bowl of porridge. They examined the broken chair and the bed that had a slight dent in the middle and a few golden hairs around the edges. The Little Small Wee Bear started to cry. The Middle-Sized Bear got terribly angry. The Great Huge Bear sank into severe depression. Their lives never returned to normal.
13.8.04  
It seems staying home for a weekend has become increasingly difficult. By travelling for a couple of days, one simulates the benefits of busy life: having one's mind occupied by a series of practical things and novel sights, with a sense of constant on-the-move existence and enlightened brain activity, not confined in the often uncomfortable space of mind and memory. This weekend, we're going to Tallinn.

The Night of Events (Tapahtumien yö) turned out very enjoyable this year. We listened to two lectures on Japanese culture (sumo wrestling and shunga, old erotic drawings - "from one contact sport to another", as the second lecturer put it, or did she in fact say as much as "combat sport"?), bought 70€ worth of books, listened to classical music played with the organ and the saxophone in the Cathedral, ate at the reincarnated tapas bar, and observed a strangely fascinating fire show in the dark Näsinpuisto park with several hundred other people. The combination of drums and didgeridoos provided an excellent soundscape for fast-moving people and torches, which, well choreographed, drew lots of fiery short-lived circles into nocturnal air.
10.8.04  
Täytin juuri kyselyn Fulbright-vuoteni annista ja totesin itselleni, että todennäköisesti kulttuurisessa mielessä opin USA:ssa asuessani enemmän aasialaisista kuin amerikkalaisista. Ehkä perusamerikkalaisuus on tässä kaupallisuuden kyllästämässä maassamme saanut jo niin hallitsevan aseman, että siitä on tullut itsestäänselvyytenä otettava normi, ja "aidossa" yhdysvaltalaismeiningissä näkyvät asiat tuntuvat enemmänkin tutuilta, vivaihteiltaan hieman poikkeavilta jutuilta kuin uutuuksilta. Ja tätä standardia erehdytään liian usein pitämään omanamme; sen alkuperälle ollaan sokeita, oli kyse sitten pikaruuasta, bisneksestä tai hääkrumeluureista. Tänä aamuna katselin Hesarin etusivulta jonkin joutavan huoltoasemaketjun tuputtamaa hodarimainosta, jossa ylpeiltiin, että eksoottisin heidän tarjoamansa vihannes on suolakurkku. Tuli paha olo. Ei sen takia, etten ymmärrä suolakurkkua (miksi kukaan haluaisi pilata hyvän vihanneksen suolalla ja etikalla?), vaan siksi, että ulkomailta tuodusta, tylsyyden yleispäteväksi määritelmäksi ilmiselvästi haikailevasta konseptista (purilainen ja kola) yritetään vääntää kotimaisuutta korostava hyve. Kun moisen tarjoilun takana vielä on Yhdysvaltain presidenttiä leikkivän pellen taustavoimissa vaikuttava öljyjätti, maailma alkaa helposti vaikuttaa yhdeltä suurelta salaliitolta. Kaikesta aidosta ja piristävästä putsattu höttö ojennetaan asiakkaalle ainoana oikeana arvona. Orwell nauraa haudassaan.
9.8.04  
I'm one of those people who rarely do or say what they really want. I'm someone who often thinks after the fact: this is what I should have done, this is what I truly desired. This is what I cannot live without. I've deliberately put myself in a state in which the only possible outcome of certain developments feels ... something between bitter-sweet and plain bitter (maybe this makes sense to those of you who know what bitter means). Self-evident lessons on a specific meaning of Catch-22.

By all appearances, the weekend was very calm and relaxing, with wonderful weather. For example, I went swimming four times within 24 hours. Emotionally, it was one of the roughest roller-coasters I've been on (well, I dislike heights anyway), which, I believe, made me behave rather oddly at times. Sorry. I should take my crises like a man and leave the whining to those who do it better. But I honestly wish I felt less. Just simply less. Gray instead of flaming red. The kind of shade for which it's impossible to develop an addiction.
1.8.04  

I don't suppose there are any questions about this picture.

Old Ones
helmikuuta 2004
maaliskuuta 2004
huhtikuuta 2004
toukokuuta 2004
kesäkuuta 2004
heinäkuuta 2004
elokuuta 2004
syyskuuta 2004
lokakuuta 2004
marraskuuta 2004
joulukuuta 2004
tammikuuta 2005
helmikuuta 2005
maaliskuuta 2005
huhtikuuta 2005
toukokuuta 2005
kesäkuuta 2005
heinäkuuta 2005
elokuuta 2005
syyskuuta 2005
lokakuuta 2005
marraskuuta 2005
joulukuuta 2005
tammikuuta 2006
helmikuuta 2006
maaliskuuta 2006
huhtikuuta 2006
toukokuuta 2006
kesäkuuta 2006
elokuuta 2006
syyskuuta 2006
lokakuuta 2006
joulukuuta 2006
tammikuuta 2007
helmikuuta 2007
huhtikuuta 2007
elokuuta 2007

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